Articles About Self-talk

Tackling negative core beliefs How many times do you not only actually say to yourself 'I'm not good enough', but demonstrably show it through shooting yourself in the foot; self-defeating behaviours and attitudes; self-sabotage or whatever else you would like to call it? Every time the cycle goes around, you feel worse about yourself. Everyone does thi...

Memes on social media assure us that happiness is a choice. But is that really true? Often we see this as a glib cliché. For someone whose life is affected by stress, anxiety and depression, those words can seem like a cruel joke. When you're in the depths of depression, saying you can simply choose to be happy can seem downright insulting. But can you g...

Whether it's S (stress), A (anxiety) or D (depression), worry thoughts are often the direct cause, as well as a symptom. It's rare to have a worrying thought only once (that's just a thought). A worry is a repetitive thought – an actual 'loop' of neurons in your brain between the emotional brain and the smart brain that goes round and round (for more on ...

All my top tips for self-communication In our parents' and grandparents' day, talking to ourselves was considered a 'sign of madness'. As a consequence, we were also taught not to be show-offs or boastful. So the way we spoke to ourselves was, and most often still is, harsh and judgemental (here's more about our inner bully). This only began to be addre...

Will power seems like an old-fashioned notion to many people now - a Victorian 'stiff upper lip' thing. But having the ability to hold ourselves back from behaviours, a habit or a thought, is a tremendous skill and there are ways to improve it – build up your 'mental muscle'. Recently I heard an interview with Professor Roy Baumeister – author of the boo...

Our harshest critic is usually the one inside our own head. It tells you things your best friend probably never would. "You're no good." "You're so stupid." "You're such an idiot." "You're such a loser." Does this sound familiar? How often does this voice invade your thoughts? Because humans have a moral self (Freud called this the 'super ego'), w...

I think we often get confused about all the things we are supposed to be, or have.  Like self-confidence, self-esteem, self-image - and I’ll add another few things – self-worth, self-respect and self-regard. Are they all the same thing?  And what is the difference between them? Carl Jung once said, “The things that worry us the most are the th...

How can I make myself feel better now? It's a question that's been suggested in therapy for eons. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and many other therapies are all variations on a simple recipe. I accept that I feel bad. I accept the feelings that go along with feeling bad. In spite of feeling bad, I can cope. But what ...

The old saying goes 'Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness' - but we all have voices in our head and that certainly doesn't mean we're mad. These voices tell us to 'do this' or 'do that' or 'don't forget this' or 'you're fat'. This is perfectly normal. It only becomes abnormal when the voices are external (auditory hallucinations) or obsessiv...

In part 1 of "The voices in our head", I talked not just about unwanted voices in our head (the worry voice), but also the wise voice that brings creative ideas and solutions to problems. Nevertheless, both these voices are still spontaneous and intrusive. Even a creative voice in your head can be a pest if it wakes you up at 3am. However there is anoth...

Ways to build self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth through body language and self talk People are very much influenced by the way you move and the way you talk, but these things don’t just affect how others see you, they have a profound influence on how you see yourself.For example, the two most influential pieces of body language are eye gaze (level...

How your emotional language causes or relieves stress Imagine you are a caveperson living in a small group or tribe of 15 to 20 people. There are pests like fleas, and we need to keep our hair from getting too long or tangling. Then we have aches and pains that feel better when someone strokes us. Also, if people in our group or tribe take the time to do...