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Do I come on too strong? How to moderate your personality

Whether we have a 'big' personality (extrovert) or a quiet personality (introvert), there might be times when we would like to stand out more, or blend in more, depending on the situation and the company we're in.

It might also depend on how much we’ve had to drink. Alcohol can make us say or do things we regret later, or help us avoid social anxiety by ‘numbing’ us to the point where we end up doing embarrassing things anyway. It might be a challenge to adapt to people or circumstances but people do it all the time, and so can you. It takes skill and tact, so here are a few ways you can work on moderating your personality – without alcohol.


  1. If you have a ‘big’ personality, toning it down is a social skill – so is ‘turning it up’ if you are sensitive or shy – it’s about the volume
  2. Moderating your personality is a skill – it is not being ‘fake’ or ‘not yourself’ it is TACT-ful, tact is a skill

    tact [ /takt/ : Noun ]

    Adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues

    Synonyms – delicacy, finesse (

  3. Think about your personality strength like a string on a bow – you can pull it back or you can let it go – either one can be satisfying – if you’re a big personality your challenge might be to turn it down – if you’re a quiet personality your challenge is to turn it up – you are still ‘you’ so be authentic/genuine
  4. Practice by using your imagination and imagine being in the company of opposite-personality people – pull the bow back or let it go depending on the situation
  5. Check on how you’re going by watching the listening to the other/s – what is their body language saying? Are they closing off or protecting their personal space?
  6. ‘Big’ or “quiet’ people can both be opinionated – tact is still having your opinion but delivering it in a way that is sensitive to others – you have a right to your opinion, it’s how you express it

These are skills that take time to develop – be patient, persist and practice. If alcohol makes you stand out too much, or disappear – you might think about cutting down or abstaining.

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